Open For Success

Let it be light!

Yota Schneider — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 13:48:04 +0000

No matter what your beliefs are and how you choose to celebrate this season, we all share this moment in time – the time when we’re turning towards the light.

Yesterday, we celebrated the Winter Solstice. Today, we’re well on our journey to letting the light fill our days once again.

I hope you take this moment to remove yourself from the “busyness” that invades our time and space and breathe in the light and peace that’s yours.

I hope you take this moment to bow to your inner light and recognize the love that fills your heart. That’s all that truly matters.

This light, this love make the best offerings. Share them with all!

Thank you for being present with me over the years! Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your gifts with me. I am truly grateful!

May joy, hope, good health and peace, be yours to cherish in the days to come!

My warmest wishes and blessings for a light and joy-filled season.

Peace!

Yota

Chase the frenzy away!

Yota Schneider — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 13:51:03 +0000

It’s December, the holiday season is upon us and two buzz words are on the move – “Holiday Stress!”

There’s a wealth of resources out there on how to manage holiday stress and allow room for joy and love to go around. Really, it’s great stuff!

It happens every year and it makes me wonder. Are people applying the tips and ideas? Are people taking their own advice? Do we really want to manage this thing or do we just want to talk and complain about it? Is it possible that there’s a sense of self-worth derived from being stressed?

If we all agree that the best gift we can give to ourselves and each other is love, why on earth are we driving ourselves crazy?

Over the years, I watched myself dealing with this paradox. Over time and with practice, I’ve been able to change a few things from the inside out and since I pride myself for being a good cook, I thought I could resurrect an old recipe of mine and share it with you.

“Chase the frenzy away!”

Take lots of deep breaths, deep, full breaths – at least 5 times a day! (When all else fails the simple act of focusing on our breath can do miracles for our mental state.)
Give up at least 4 cups of control per day!
Ask for help at least 3 times a day! It’s never too late to start.
Give up perfection (for now!).
Begin with a couple of teaspoons and increase to as many tablespoons as you can handle.
Drink at least three cups of laughter a day.
Add a dash of gratitude to whatever you’re doing!
Keep it simple!!

Feel free to pass this recipe along. It’s full-proof!

May your holidays be filled with grace and laughter!

Photo credit © Alena Ozerova – Fotolia.com

Winds of change – On pillows and such

Yota Schneider — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 16:20:53 +0000

She must have been in her late seventies. I noticed her as I walked by, looking for a new pillow for a wicker chair I have in my office. She was being helped by a young woman and they were discussing pillows. She was trying to choose new ones for her couch.

I soon found what I wanted and headed to another part of the store, then to the register to check out. The older woman was already there, completing her purchase of two pillows.

As she was getting ready to leave, she turned to me and the young woman at the register and said . . . “I needed some color – a change. I’ve lived with the same living room for as long as I’ve been married. My husband doesn’t like change but I’ve had enough. I want to see color. I know he’ll be upset but I just don’t care.” I smiled at her and said. .. “It’s time don’t you think?” She smiled back and nodded – You bet!

I was smiling all the way out the store and back into my car. This feisty old woman has been waiting for a long time to add color into her life and color she would have. Good for her!

This short encounter triggered a wave of reflection.

How often do we stall our own development and growth to accommodate somebody else’s fear of change?
How often do people lose themselves into a relationship that’s not healthy for them?
How do we co-exist with another and honor our personal need for change when our partner refuses to budge?

I guess it’s different for everyone. For me, it’s all about choices. I’ve been through substantial change, more than once, and I’ve been blessed with a supportive life partner. I’m sure at times it’s been difficult for him – watching me struggle through my various transitions. Over the years, we’ve learned to give each other space to stretch and grow and that’s one of the reasons our relationship is strong after 26 years of living together.

At the wake of all the changes I’ve been through, I watched important relationships dissolve and fade into the history of my life. Not everybody is here to stay for the duration. There’s a reason and a season for everything and everyone. At first, it was hard to understand and accept this fact, but the more “life” I get under my belt the easier it becomes.

I’ve learned that most things in life come with an expiration date. Clinging to that which is outdated, isn’t productive at best, and it can become quite unhealthy.

Along the way, I learned that the best way I can live my life is by being myself. I don’t know how to be anyone else. I tried . . . in the name of friendship and family. I failed miserably. I may as well face the facts.

I know I couldn’t wait 45 year to change my couch pillows and I have tremendous respect and admiration for the person who musters the courage to do so, after all these years, no matter what the cost.

Is there anything in your life that’s begging for a change, whether big or small? Are you ignoring it for the sake of someone else? How long are you willing to wait and why?

Photo © oscar williams – Fotolia.com

What does chocolate have to do with it?

Yota Schneider — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 20:37:04 +0000

Here I am . . . at my favorite cafe and writing spot; a cup of hot coffee and a morning glory muffin next to me. It’s raining pretty heavily, puddles of water already forming on the sidewalk. There’s the steady hum of the fans above, the chatter of a handful of people ordering coffee and joking with the owner, light jazz coming through the speakers.

On my way here, I drove by the post office to mail a letter and decided to circle back by the Middle School, on my way to Washington. The school is in session and the streets were quiet. I drove by slowly, looking at the school when, suddenly, it hit me.

My daughters are in High School now. Gone are the days when I used to drive by the Middle School, thinking of them, wondering what class they were in and sending them smiles. Or, when I’d walk in the building for committee meetings and to help with this and that. I used to see them in the corridors, on their way to class and they’d smile or stop to say hello but . . . no PDA . . . please! There was a host of middle schoolers watching, after all:-)

As all this went through my mind at the speed of lighting, I felt tears coming up. It was the first time, I let the tears come, since the girls started High School.

August was a whirlwind. We survived Irene and the four-day power shortage. We went away for four days and came back to more rain. The flood that ensued caused the first school closing of the season. All of the above while trying to adjust to a new schedule, a whole new set of demands and expectations, preparing for a workshop I was giving and trying to orchestrate home repairs and renovations. No wonder! There has been no time to stop and reflect.

This is how I tend to be and I suspect that’s how it is for many of you; at the moment of a crisis or transition, I tend to brace and dive in. I do what I have to do, putting one foot in front of the other and making sure everyone is taken care of. Then, eventually, the “storm” passes, the initial impact is softened and the craziness becomes a distant memory.

All of a sudden, I find myself alone and quiet, settled into the new rhythm and ready to be with myself. It’s at that point that whatever emotions were kept at bay, so I could function, often come to the surface; demanding to be dealt with. So, today, I finally felt the impact of having my daughters, my babies no-more, entering a new phase. I often joke that with twins, there is no dress rehearsal. No previous experience to fall back to.

Our relationship is strong and loving, yet things have also changed. For, as much as they love and respect me, they’re establishing boundaries and flexing their muscles. As a constant presence in their life, I’m here to rebel against and run to, often, at the same time. Confusing, to say the least . . . for all of us.

I have to constantly try and recall what it meant to be fifteen . . . while reminding myself that they’re not me! Their temperaments and individual traits may remind me of myself or my husband but they’re not us. They’re unique individuals.

So, here I am today, my coffee cup empty and my muffin indulged:-) I’ll have brownies for them when I get home. They’ll be really happy after a long day at school and field hockey practice. They’ll give me a big smile and a hug before they grab the bag from my hands. For a brief moment they’ll regress back to being two kids with chocolate all over their mouths and a huge grin of utter satisfaction.

Don’t you love chocolate?

Beyond the obvious

Yota Schneider — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 13:59:14 +0000

On the fourth day, after Irene struck, we got our power back. It was a moment of celebration and relief mixed in with survivor’s guilt. We finally had access to the news and were able to see the images of devastation Irene had inflicted. I couldn’t get them out of my head.

As the surge of excitement subsided, I realized how tired I was. Yet, things had to be taken care of. The refrigerator, for once, needed to be purged and scrubbed. The floors needed to be vacuumed and the laundry sorted. I made a pot of Earl Grey tea and sat on my favorite chair on the deck to enjoy it. A hot cup of tea! Heavenly!

I took a few deep breaths and looked around. The pots of herbs and flowers on the deck had somehow survived Irene’s wrath. They were battered but not destroyed. The hummingbirds were zooming around me, trying to let me know that it was time for them to feed and, somehow, I was in their way.

The rain that fell over the weekend was strong and relentless. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed such a rainfall. The winds were strong. Yet, here are these pots of basil, parsley, nasturtiums and blue salvia. They’re still standing and blooming, maybe not brand new and glorious, but proud survivors.

As I reflected back to the four days without power, I realized how time seemed to move slower than ever. Unplugged from all technology and forced to live in the moment, I was made to pay close attention to everything that I was doing, without taking anything for granted. Using water, eating, trying to maintain a certain order in our environment, reading under a candle, being with my family or sitting quietly . . . nothing was routine anymore.

Every little thing was to be examined, paid attention to and observed carefully. In other words, I had to be mindful on how I moved, utilized my resources and related to other people.

In the early hours of Monday morning I woke up and looked out my bedroom window. 80% of our town had no power and it was really dark outside. I was astonished at the number of stars I could see. Standing there all alone, in the dark, looking up in the middle of the night reminded me of the wonder I used to feel as a child.

One of my daughters was awake too, so I asked her to come outside with me. We wrapped ourselves in blankets and stood in the middle of the yard, stargazing. The expression on her face, the deep breath she took when she looked up . . . that moment was a gift.

The next evening, all four of us drove to an open field and lied down looking at the stars and trying to name the constellations.

There is always work to be done and yes, this is a crazy world we live in, filled with uncertainty and rapid change. Maybe that’s why we need to look up as often as possible, connect to all that’s great and powerful and allow our spirit to be restored.

You Can Say No to Self-Blame

Yota Schneider — Sat, 21 May 2011 13:50:15 +0000

The other day, I had a first hand experience of how self-blame is a choice we can live without. I’m pretty sure that, the “multi-taskers” among you, will understand what I mean. Here it goes.

The Middle School spring concert day was upon us and the girls were going to perform for last time as middle schoolers. Having been there before, I anticipated a certain level of stress for that afternoon. Regardless, I allowed myself to get distracted throughout the day. As a result, I found myself scrambling to get things done while trying to be, emotionally and physically, available to the girls.

It wasn’t long before I became breathless. I knew my stress level was increasing and I was starting to feel irritated. That was not how I wanted it to be. I stopped to take a few deep breaths and look outside the window.

I reminded myself that this whole whirlwind of activity was the result of choices I’d made earlier.

I knew I could have made different choices during the day, but I hadn’t and I couldn’t change that. At this point, I could give in to self-blame and become even more stressed and irritated, or I could just accept what was and move on. Right then and there, I decided that beating myself over the head would not do it for me.

I knew from experience, that, if I could only keep my expectations in check, stay calm and focused in the moment, it would all work out. I don’t know about you, but I’m perfectly capable of driving myself crazy by paying attention to details that don’t really matter that much.

I needed to take these precious two minutes to slow down and I did. I also needed to let some balls drop and focus on what was important right then and there. Eventually, it all got done, we arrived at the Middle School with plenty of time to spare, and I was able to relax and enjoy watching my girls perform. It was a great evening.

Self-blame is a choice. What’s the point of going there? Change what you can change and accept what is. Why add additional stress to an already stressful situation?

It’s a new beginning!

Yota Schneider — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 12:57:43 +0000

Here we are . . . well into April. For those of us in the North East, the cold still lingers but the daffodils are blooming and the days are getting longer. The skies are blue and sunny, more often than not.

It’s taking me longer to get going this year. My motivation feels sluggish . . . it’s been a dark, cold winter. My attention has been pulled in a myriad of directions and I can’t say I enjoyed them all. Some distractions can be more painful than others.

I know, from experience, that I can’t wait for my energy to pick up all by itself. Often, the more I do . . . the more energy I get.

It’s not always easy to jump start the engine and gain momentum after a long winter. Many of us develop our rituals for moving through the seasons.

I remember vividly how my mom used to prepare the house for spring. Winter carpets would be rolled away and blankets would be stored until late fall. Heavy curtains would be replaced with lighter, airier ones and the furniture would be covered with lighter slipcovers. The house would be washed inside and out. Windows and doors would stay open to let the light and fresh air in.

Stepping out and moving forward after a long, cold winter, whether in our lives or along the normal succession of seasons, has to be a conscious, mindful process.

Make time to be with yourself and reflect on what needs to be done. Be gentle, patient and attentive to what comes up for you.

Look around you and take inventory. You can begin with your environment.

How do you feel about your environment? Do you get a sense of peace and comfort or anxiety and breathlessness?
What strikes you as clutter? Do you need all that’s there?
What do you need to let go of?
What have you been putting up with that you’re not willing to tolerate anymore?

Pick up paper and pencil and begin a list. Write down whatever comes to your mind. Make it a stream of consciousness list. Don’t stop to read it until there is nothing more to write.

If you begin to feel stressed or anxious, breathe deeply and maintain your perspective. Remain grounded in the present moment. You don’t have to tackle it all at once.

Start with what’s right in front of you and go from there. Check in with yourself often. Observe the effect this “clearing” is having on you.

If you don’t have big “chunks” of time for this process, don’t give up. Do a little every day. You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish in fifteen to thirty minutes. The important thing is to start. Don’t let your mind undermine your efforts.

Remember to give yourself time to acknowledge your progress. Be your own cheerleader. Reward yourself for a job well done. Go outside, breathe the fresh air, let the light come in. This is the season for new beginnings.

Enjoy!

The power of attention

Yota Schneider — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 14:16:08 +0000

Let’s face it! We’re all busy! Even when we get the chance of down time, we look around for things to do and fill the gap. We don’t have to look hard. There’s always something to do and so the story goes.

Doing is what we live by. “Busyness” is what defines us. There will be time, in the distant future, to do the “soft stuff” or . . . so we tell ourselves. There will be time to take care of ourselves, connect with the people in our lives, read a book, listen to music, take a walk without a destination or sit and watch the sunset.

Right now, there are places to be, problems to solve, calls to answer and emails to reply to. We got to go, go, go! Life keeps moving and we have to get with the program.

What if we stopped – even for 5 minutes – and paid attention to how we feel, how our body feels and the messages we receive? What would happen then? Would the world end?

Do you realize that most of the time, we’re not even aware of our breath? The same breath that sustains us and keeps us alive . . . and we don’t even notice.

Would you like to experience the power of conscious, mindful breathing right now, right where you are?

Go ahead and take a few deep, conscious, cleansing breaths. Then, let your breath settle into a comfortable rhythm and turn your attention to how you feel.

Where in your body do you hold tension?
What kind of thoughts are going on in your head?
What kind of self-talk is going on in the background? Become aware of the messages playing.

You don’t have to do anything about it . . . just watch it all happening. Then . . .

Gently breathe into the tension until it dissolves;
Watch your thoughts but don’t follow them, breathe into them and let them go;
Don’t worry, nothing major is going to happen during your 5 minutes of mindfulness and stillness.

You can do this exercise for 5 minutes or more. You can repeat it as often as you’d like. Take notice of what happens when you give yourself the gift of your attention.

What kind of insights are you gaining?
What happens to your energy level?
How does your body feel?
How do you respond to whatever comes your way?
Does your perspective change?

Our sense of well being is our personal responsibility. The more we take responsibility over the quality of our life and experience the happier and stronger we become.

Taking a few minutes to be with ourselves and listen carefully is the least we can do!

Life behind the wheel

Yota Schneider — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 17:14:42 +0000

Earlier this morning, I was on my way to meditation. There was traffic but nothing crazy. Suddenly, a recycling truck cut in front of me. I stepped on the break and thought “Oh, dear!” Everything slowed down. I kept hoping he would turn somewhere but no, he stayed, right there, in front of me.

As I was forced to slow down, I became aware of all the thoughts and emotions that this simple act had triggered. Here I am, going to meditation, and I’m getting annoyed over a truck. A truck!

I took a deep breath and focused on what was right in front of me. A big, heavy, white, clunky truck! There was a sign in the back of it . . . “This vehicle stops and breaks frequently.” No kidding!

Suddenly, everything went still and I became aware of a bigger picture. We go on with our lives, making plans, setting goals, and moving right along. Then, out of nowhere, garbage gets in our way! It has nothing to do with us, it’s not personal. Life happens and garbage gets in our way! We’re forced to slow down, against our will, and even change our course.

We can feel annoyed, we can whine and we can throw a temper tantrum. It doesn’t change a thing, other than throwing us off balance, that is. Asking why and giving in to anger, leaves us more confused than before and exhausted. Anyone ever had this experience?

At junctions like this, our resolve and faith in ourselves and our journey are tested. Our buttons are pushed. We are asked to maintain our focus, our sanity and our sense of self. We’re asked to be flexible and keep a healthy perspective. All we can do is embrace the moment and make the best of it.

At times like this, who we become is far more important than how fast we go and how early or late we arrive.

Eventually, the truck made a right and I was, once again, on my way at a reasonable speed. I wasn’t even late. Not only that, but I had my inspiration for this entry.

Running in place – getting nowhere fast

Yota Schneider — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 21:29:03 +0000

Recently, I had the opportunity to speak with two entrepreneurs. They’ve both been dealing with major career and life transition for some time now. One was let go due to downsizing, about a year ago. The other chose to leave the organization he worked for, after many years of service. They are both highly skillful, experienced and knowledgeable.

Along the way, they both decided to go to business for themselves. They chose to start businessses right along the lines of what they had always done. Gradually, the challenge of playing multiple roles within their young businesses, began to take a toll on them. They’ve been going through the motions of conducting business and serving their clients but something’s missing. What makes things worse, neither of them seems to enjoy marketing.

When I tried to introduce the topic of incorporating various marketing strategies, I sensed resistance and – dare I say – entitlement. Almost as if, just because they are good at what they do and they’ve done it for the longest time, they shouldn’t have to work hard at marketing.

The more I listened and observed, the more convinced I became that neither of them has actually completed their transition process. A big part of them is stuck in the past; holding them back from moving forward. How can one look at new possibilities and embark on something new, full speed ahead, when tormented by self-doubt?

There’s a lot more to being an entrepreneur than being good at what we do. It takes agility, flexibility and the willingness to take risks, learn new skills and be vulnerable. Every day, we have to be willing to start anew.

As if that’s not hard enough, when people struggle with major personal or professional transition, they’re asked to navigate conflicting emotions, practical challenges and social pressure.

Pulling oneself from the boot straps and pushing through the muck is hardly ever effective. Things need time to be resolved and we have to examine everything, pay attention to what’s happening and open up to new possibilities. Patience is our biggest ally at times like this. Accepting limitations and practicing humility don’t hurt either.

I know, from personal experience, that no matter how we feel, life doesn’t stop and wait for us to get whatever it is we have to get. There are people who depend on us, bills to be paid and meals to be prepared among other things.

Why not accept that a time of transition is necessary when you’re between stages? Never mind what other people tell you. It’s your life and your future.

Do what you have to do to take care of your immediate needs.
Give yourself the gift of time for reflection and exploration.
When insights come, make a note of the ideas but don’t jump at them.
Research, ask questions, explore!
When you feel your energy and clarity levels increase, act!
Understand that you don’t have to do it alone! Ask for help!
Listen to what people, who’ve been there before you, are sharing with you.
Entertain the possibility of learning new skills and most importantly . . .
Be willing to change course if you’re not comfortable with your initial decision. It’s a sign of wisdom and self-respect not a sign of weakness.